A page of light-hearted cheer

A page of light-hearted cheer

Some light-hearted fun, if you need something to cheer you up.

The coronavirus crisis has made things hard for many people for a long time now. I’m not the only person to have lost friends or family to the disease, and I know plenty of people are worried about their jobs.

However, smiling can make you healthier as well as happier. People often turn to humour to help them cope with difficult times.

So this is not to trivialise what people are continuing to go through, but hoping a smile or two may help brighten your day.

Coronavirus jokes

Do you have any idea why the virus was named the novel coronavirus? Because it is an extremely long story.

There is an abundance of coronavirus puns on social media, it is an absolute pundemic.

I don’t know why my fishing buddy is worried about coronavirus. He never catches anything.

Never in my wildest of wild dreams did I ever think I would go up to a bank teller and request money with a mask on.

Before coronavirus I used to cough to cover a fart. Now I fart to cover a cough.

They said that a mask and gloves were enough to go to the supermarket. They lied. Everyone else has clothes on.

I’m having the inside of my house painted by an airline pilot who is on furlough. They’ve made a lovely job of the landing.

Knock knock.
Who is there? Seriously, don’t touch my door and get back 2 metres to social distance!

2020 is a unique leap year. It has 29 days in February, 300 days in March and 10 years in April.

Day 3 without sports: I found someone sitting on my couch yesterday. Apparently I’m married to them. They seem nice.

Since everybody has now started washing their hands, the peanuts at the bar have lost their taste.

Coronavirus means the people who make sanitising gel are rubbing their hands together.

COVID-19 can be spread through money. If you have any money at home, put on some gloves, put all the money in to a plastic bag and put it outside the front door tonight. I’m collecting all the plastic bags tonight for safety. Think of your health.

I had a great coronavirus joke, but you’ll have to wait two weeks to see if you get it.

If you have to wear a mask and glasses due to coronavirus, you’re eligible for condensation.

Due to coronavirus I’m postponing my birthday. I was going to turn 50 this week, but I’m putting that off. For a year or so.

Lockdown and self-isolation jokes

Because of the lockdown, we will only be telling inside jokes.

During self isolation:

  • Dogs: “Oh My god, you’re here all day and this is the best as I can love you, see you, be with you and follow you! I am so excited because you are the greatest and I love you being here so much!
  • Cats: “What the hell are you still doing here?”

During lockdown, I’ve been working out.
The first month, I started by lifting two 2.5kg potato bags.
The next month, I lifted two 5kg potato bags.
If I carry on like this, soon I’ll be strong enough to do it with a potato inside each bag.

Q. Why did King Arthur sign up for lots of Zoom meetings?
A. He likes to be on Cam a lot.

To those who are complaining about the quarantine period, just remember that your grandparents were called to war. You are being called to sit on the couch and watch Netflix. You can do this.

I am trying to eat healthily during lockdown. But whenever I pass a chocolate bar, it snickers.

During lockdown I’ve been reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put it down.

They’re predicting a baby boom after lockdown. That means in 2033 we’ll have a whole lot of quaran-teens.

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know which comes first.

Other (silly) jokes you may enjoy

Not all math’s jokes are silly puns. Just sum.

Q. When is a door not a door?
A. When it’s ajar.

Q. Why did the scarecrow win a medal?
A. It was outstanding in its field

If two vegans get into an argument, is it still considered a beef?

Q. What kind of tea is the hardest?
A. Reality.

Q. What do you call a cow with no legs?
A. Ground beef

Q. What’s the biggest room in the world?
A. Room for improvement.

I asked my boss if I could leave half an hour early today. They said: “Only if you make up the time.”
I said: “OK. It’s 35 past 50.”

HSQE team quizzes

The HSQE team shared some of their quizzes (and answers). See if you can beat their winning scores.

(I’m not going to confess what I scored when I tried them; I’ll just admit I wouldn’t have won.)HSQE quiz

Let us know in the comments what your score was!

If you have any quiz questions – or any jokes – that you’d like to share, please use the comments box below, or reply to one of the staff email updates.